Why is it that the more comfortable I am in my queerness, the less I can talk about it?
So today I was semiverbal for a bit. Not long, but long enough that it lasted through about three classes. (It was strange, three out of us four Autistic Kids were non/semiverbal today, all at the same time. An odd coincidence.) It was... an experience. Everyone - that is, 2 teachers and 2 of the learning support staff, and one student - was lovely about it, but it still felt isolating and frustrating. I'm not even sure what caused it. Change in routine, maybe? My math teacher wasn't there today and it threw off the rest of the day I guess. And now I have a lot of homework, which is guaranteed to make me feel more overwhelmed... oh well. At least I'll see N tomorrow. I can give them their birthday present! (Finally.) (I still wish I could've gotten them a sword, but I hope they'll like this just as much.) And, of course, it's my writing teacher's book launch soon, which I was a sensitivity reader for! (Along with N and Z, who attend the same class.) It's a middle-grade novel, and she wanted to include a trans character in it - but she's cis and wanted to get some trans sensitivity readers. enter, us! :^) I'm really excited to read the full thing. It'll be a big day (despite the launch only being 2 hours long lmao) but im looking forward to it.
Anyways, i still can't remember where I was going with that last post, so I guess it's a lost cause. Instead of that, I will leave you with something I discovered about neurotypical people today. I was talking to my mother (token family neurotypical /j) about the quite frankly 𝕗ucking absurd study timetable they presented to my class today. It was four hours of study, 6 afternoons a week, from 4:30-9 with a half hour break for dinner. sounds ridiculous and impractical, right? wrong. according to her it was actually pretty reasonable. Which??? Huh?????? Apparently the only thing stopping (nt) people from doing that is that... drumroll, please... they don't want to. And that any time anyone says they've been procrastinating homework, they're doing it... on purpose. HUH?
fucking absurd. (and quite frankly unfair. id be UNSTOPPABLE if i could sit down for 4+ hours a night and just do homework. id literally be top of my state in everything. jfc.)
I've been thinking a lot about neurodivergency, and what it means (to me) to be autistic. Maybe I don't think about it as much as I otherwise would, considering my transness is so much more, idk, visible? Like if I'm going to fight for one part of my identity to be recognised, it'll be the trans part, and so I think about it more because, well, fighting for basic respect and decency. It takes up a lot of ur thoughts.
I'd never really considered autistic culture as a thing that like, exists. Queer culture is extremely important to me, but autistics don't seem to have that kind of visible history - at least not where I can see it. Everything I can read about our history is just... suffering. Which sucks! There are a lot of autistic people present and past who have lived happy, fulfilling lives, I'm sure of it. Just seemingly not connected to each other. Which gets stranger the more I think about it - I had a fully-autistic friend group before any of us even knew we were. Neurodivergent folks flock together. oh, i just had an idea for another page for this site. i think i was going somewhere with this post, but maybe i'll continue this thought later.