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firstly, wow, 50 000 views as logged by neocities. i do try not to pay attention to that number as i know it's not an accurate estimate of the number of visitors, but still pretty cool, yknow? i can't believe i only started this site in March. it's been a great time so far and a very cool gateway into vaguely retro technology (cassettes, records, mp3 players, brick phones). i've also learned a lot about accessibility!

in personal news, i am Sick (tm). i have the worlds most annoying cold and my throat hurts from coughing... not fun. i've been using this time as an excuse to work on my battle jacket, adding the first couple of patches (Mem., i want to make a page about that). 14/20 so far! not sure what to do once the general patches are on, maybe make some more niche ones and add other funky stuff. im not sure about studs yet, but we'll see. i also (mostly) finished another sweatervest - kind of feels like a binder tbh, it's quite tight, but the pressure is nice and i think it looks cool.

i want to do an experiment - one week without computer, except as absolutely necessary. i don't like how much time i spend on here, and how the time just disappears. friday night and most of saturday i was successful in avoiding the internet - until saturday evening when i was too sick to do anything but watch a movie. also, i wanted to check discord. but for the short amount of time i managed it, it was really nice!! i spent a lot of time on creative projects and even did a little schoolwork. feeling super positive about it and when i get back to school, i'll be resuming the test. maybe with the caveat that movies and email are okay though, just not discord/tumblr/neocities.

going to maybe do the battle jacket page tomorrow.. will see (depends on schoolwork). x isaac

Dear diary,

I Am At My Fucking Limit.

I understand that yes, it's past 9pm and you're not meant to trust any negative thoughts you have past 9pm, but also. man. it's school tomorrow and i cannot!! fucking do this anymore!!!!! i am so close and im just. holding onto that. god i hate this school so so so much. i am so sick of everyone thinking i don't put any effort in and just sit at home on my laptop doing fuckall, i am sick of everyone acting as though the school's transphobia is somehow my fault, i am SICK of 'help' that does nothing. sick of asking for help!!!! i ask for help and i don't fucking get any!!!! "just ask for help" WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO adhd is a curse and school is a prison and im going to lose my shit if uni is like this too. fuck. anyways.

well, i'm 17! happy birthday me :3 had the absolute loveliest time with a small-ish group of friends.

I've never seen any of Technoblade's videos, but he was one of my friend's favourite Youtubers. His death has been weirdly upsetting considering I don't really know much about him at all. Rest in peace, Alex.


spoilers 4 stranger things (niamh dni): hmmm so i just googled it and it turns out that eddie dies. unfortunate but inevitable. i have only seen 2 episodes of stranger things so it does not really affect me. both n and z however are going to be extremely upset and so i am already mentally preparing to be extremely sympathetic bc idk any other way of being comforting. mayhaps i will crochet some little object... we will see.
not me googling "how to comfort someone who doesn't like hugs" i am such a natural at this whole friendship thing

also, school holidays!!!!! i am off school for two and a bit weeks!!!! going to have 3 sleepovers (one with n one with z one with n and z) (yes, there are only 2 people i talk to regularly, what of it) and celebrate my birthday on one of them. very exciting i am going to be 17 which is,,, in the scheme of things still young but when youre in highschool that's Basically An Adult. terrifying. i also only have 8 weeks of regular classes left so that's 0.0,,,,,,, im so fucking close guys.