my journal:3

Why is it that the more comfortable I am in my queerness, the less I can talk about it?

6.5.22 - More autistic stuff
So today I was semiverbal for a bit. Not long, but long enough that it lasted through about three classes. (It was strange, three out of us four Autistic Kids were non/semiverbal today, all at the same time. An odd coincidence.) It was... an experience. Everyone - that is, 2 teachers and 2 of the learning support staff, and one student - was lovely about it, but it still felt isolating and frustrating. I'm not even sure what caused it. Change in routine, maybe? My math teacher wasn't there today and it threw off the rest of the day I guess. And now I have a lot of homework, which is guaranteed to make me feel more overwhelmed... oh well. At least I'll see N tomorrow. I can give them their birthday present! (Finally.) (I still wish I could've gotten them a sword, but I hope they'll like this just as much.) And, of course, it's my writing teacher's book launch soon, which I was a sensitivity reader for! (Along with N and Z, who attend the same class.) It's a middle-grade novel, and she wanted to include a trans character in it - but she's cis and wanted to get some trans sensitivity readers. enter, us! :^) I'm really excited to read the full thing. It'll be a big day (despite the launch only being 2 hours long lmao) but im looking forward to it.

Anyways, i still can't remember where I was going with that last post, so I guess it's a lost cause. Instead of that, I will leave you with something I discovered about neurotypical people today. I was talking to my mother (token family neurotypical /j) about the quite frankly ๐•—ucking absurd study timetable they presented to my class today. It was four hours of study, 6 afternoons a week, from 4:30-9 with a half hour break for dinner. sounds ridiculous and impractical, right? wrong. according to her it was actually pretty reasonable. Which??? Huh?????? Apparently the only thing stopping (nt) people from doing that is that... drumroll, please... they don't want to. And that any time anyone says they've been procrastinating homework, they're doing it... on purpose. HUH?

๐•—ucking absurd. (and quite frankly unfair. id be UNSTOPPABLE if i could sit down for 4+ hours a night and just do homework. id literally be top of my state in everything. jfc.)
~ Isaac Neptune

4.5.22 - Autistic stuff
I've been thinking a lot about neurodivergency, and what it means (to me) to be autistic. Maybe I don't think about it as much as I otherwise would, considering my transness is so much more, idk, visible? Like if I'm going to fight for one part of my identity to be recognised, it'll be the trans part, and so I think about it more because, well, fighting for basic respect and decency. It takes up a lot of ur thoughts.

I'd never really considered autistic culture as a thing that like, exists. Queer culture is extremely important to me, but autistics don't seem to have that kind of visible history - at least not where I can see it. Everything I can read about our history is just... suffering. Which sucks! There are a lot of autistic people present and past who have lived happy, fulfilling lives, I'm sure of it. Just seemingly not connected to each other. Which gets stranger the more I think about it - I had a fully-autistic friend group before any of us even knew we were. Neurodivergent folks flock together. oh, i just had an idea for another page for this site. i think i was going somewhere with this post, but maybe i'll continue this thought later.
~ Isaac Neptune

1.4.22 - General update
First off, belatedly, happy trans day of visibility! May all of us continue to be the coolest folks around. And secondly, happy trickery day to all who celebrate. (That is, April fool's.) And thirdly, happy early birthday to my friend, who turns 18 tomorrow.

The flood has continued. It's genuinely surreal to be going through life, thinking about maths and social problems and assignments and podcasts and whatever the ๐•—๐•ฆ๐•”๐•œ is going on in my head, while there are people missing, and friends trapped... not in danger, but still, trapped. It's just weird, you know? And most people I've talked to about it, agree - once you dig through the horror and anxiety and devastation of it all, it's just weird. Such a deviation from the norm. I feel all kinds of detached, even though I'm essentially on a very large flood-surrounded island right now.

And yet, life goes on. Assignments continue, albeit delayed. In the next week, I need to finish my unit on integration so I can move on to revising proofs and vectors in the holidays. (Extension II is a wonderful mathematics course, but it's absolute hell in terms of study load.) I have art and physics exams too, and an english assignment due next friday. In the holidays, I'll be catching up with Z, working on a large fan project with some friends, studying, beginning the scholarship application processes and possibly going on a family vacation. I also want to read a lot, and watch at least two seasons of TXF. Lots to do. Maybe I'll ask my sister to change my tumblr password, so I won't be tempted to doom-scroll. And that's all between my two major commitments: working (my job was kind enough to give me this term off, but no more, which is fair) and volunteering with the relief effort,,,, and also all my appointments,,,,,,,,

Yikes. That's the first time I've typed it all out. I only get two weeks.. maybe I'll have to cut down on some of those things. (Or, uh, take my Ritalin a liiiiiiittle bit more consistently.) But, at least I'm dropping art, and physics is still prelim, so I only really need to worry about keeping on top of my maths courseload and doing my english assignment, at least until next week is over.

Don't be like me. Do your homework when it's assigned.
~ Isaac Neptune

30.3.22 - Flood
Well, it's happening again. Happened again - I'm writing this after the fact. It's so strange, to sit peacefully on my laptop, the sky visible through my window... and the knowledge that hundreds, possibly thousands of homes are damaged or destroyed.

My friend is sending me semi-regular photo updates of the water outside their house - still rising. It's like the most horrific sense of deja vu. I wish I was there with them, if only to help ease this horrible survivor's guilt. I almost was, in fact - I was meant to stay with them tonight. I was going to ask if I could stay last night, as well, but didn't know how to bring it up. Now I'm out here and they're in there. Last time they were trapped for nearly a week. This flood seems less severe, but I'm willing to bet this time there'll be less aid as well.

I think I'm going to dedicate part of my holidays to flood clean-up. I desperately need a break, but others need my time more than I do, y'know? And I guess I am having a break right now, even if it doesn't feel like it. If I can, I'd like to spend a bit of time doing maths today so I don't fall too far behind, and can spend the weekend helping instead of catching up.

I just wish this wasn't happening now, but I guess there's not really a good time for it to happen.
~ Isaac Neptune

24.3.22 - Cookies
I hate web cookies so much it's unreal. I've set my browser to block every third party cookie by default, and things still work fine... almost as if we don't need them. I try to embed a youtube video: immediately, third party cookies. I try to add a cbox: third party cookies. Even pages that logically shouldn't need them use third party cookies, and I'm sick of it. Did you know Facebook - sorry, Meta - can and does build up ad profiles on you, even if you personally don't have an account? I didn't. It's absolutely horrific. Not to mention! it's so difficult to access a page without accepting cookies. I do my best to decline all of them, but sometimes I just have to give up, they're layered under so many hoops to jump through. I'm just so tired of having to actively defend my privacy every time I open a new webpage.

If you're designing a website: PLEASE think about whether you truly need that iframe. Use the nocookie option for embedding youtube videos, and make it easy for a user to decline all tracking cookies. And if you're a user: familiarise yourself with your browser settings. Disable third party cookies and autofill. Clear your existing cookies. It isn't that difficult to sign in each time you need a website. Chrome especially, there are SO many little settings that are enabled by default that any reasonable person would want disabled.

We can do better. It's a good first step towards a better, more anonymous internet.
~ Isaac Neptune

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